The Gentlemen’s Curb
What’s going on? It’s The Gentlemen’s Curb a lifestyle blog where fashion meets fitness in a BIG way. Usually, we offer lifestyle, fitness and fashion options for men of size. We talk about where you can find the latest clothes for men of size. We talk about how men of size can work out. We talk about some awesome places to visit if you are ever in New York City. But, today we will dive into a different topic. A topic that took me a long time to talk about in detail. Last year we spoke briefly of the incident in this post here. Also, check out some of the news footage from CBS.
On November 14, 2017, my temple, synagogue, place of worship was met with a tragic fire. To be honest, I was met with a looming feeling the day before. I couldn’t handle or grasp where the feeling was coming from. I called out of work because I was out of it. I felt sick, but I wasn’t prepared for what was to come. On Tuesday morning, I almost called out of work for the second day in a row because I hadn’t shaken the feeling that was over me. I decided to go to work, but I called in late. As I arrived at work, my coworkers asked me what was wrong, but I could not explain myself.
About 9 am my phone would not stop ringing. It was one of my comrades from the neighborhood where the temple is kept calling me back to back. I found it alarming. So, I tried to call back, but I could not get through. I guess that we kept trying to call each other back so the the lines wouldnt go through. Bro texted me and the text read “The temple is on flames, Boi!” I called him immediatly and asked, “You forreal?” Kashis responded, ” I am dead ass.” I couldn’t think. I knew that I had to get there. I began fighting tears, because there were so many thoughts going through my mind. But, I kept thinking the worst. The worst possible scenarios kept running through my mind. For some bizzare reason, I could not get an Uber or a Juno. So, I started to head to the temple on foot. In my mind, the blocks seemed to be longer than normal. I was losing my breath, so I decided to hail a cab. One man stopped for me. Later on, he explained that he saw the desperation in my face, which is why he stopped for me. The man gave me some words of encouragement.
As we turned off of Broadway and I saw what seemed like HUNDREDS of firefighters in front of Bnai Adath Kol Beth Yisrael, I cried. I cried becuase it felt as if hope was lost. I felt lonely. I felt abandoned. I felt as God abandoned us. How could this happen? Did we deserve it? What could have been avoided?
There was so much that happened. So many emotions, so many regrets. There were treasured articles that I was forced to to defend. It’s a shame when you are in a rough space and people try to kick you while you are down. Atrocious. The truth is that things happen. Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to bad people. I guess that is the logic I use to provide some type of solace. But, the temple was burned. My temple was burned. I moved in the area so that I could be close to the temple. I would race to the temple to be the first one there. I found some pride in being the first one there. I used to be PISSED when Abo Adone Yaroah would beat me there. On Praise Sabbath the breakfast was EVERYTHING. From that point on I went on a dwonward spiral. I made sure that I had vodka everyday. I would wake up in the morning and take a few shots. To be honest, many of those nights are a blur. I found that alcohol provided comfrot. I wasnt aware that it was temporary.
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A Year Later
A year later I am in a place of reflection. I am still in a place of mourning, but writing one of my forms of comfort at times. Especially because a few people that I have confided in only listen to themselves. But, I am doing my best to keep pushing. I am trying to become stronger mentally, physically, and spiritually. I still get emotional thinking about the day. I still get emotional when I look at the pictures from the day. In the night it keeps me up at times and I thought that it would get easier, but it has not gotten easier. I am just learning to live with the pain. I am still down like four flat tires. I am not drinking as much as of late. The liquor numbs the pain only temporarily. I miss my spiritual family immensely. And there plans to rebuild and the synagogue/the temple will be back better than before and prayerfully it will be standing for generations to come. I guess everything for its purpose, but it doesn’t stop the pain. But, things will get better. The clouds don’t hover over you forever. We Will Rise!!! Until next time, It’s The Gentlemen’s Curb a lifestyle blog where fashion meets fitness in a big way.